If you know me in real life, you know that I tend to be a bit of a control freak.  I feel most at ease when I know what is going to happen and when I can steer things in the direction I feel they should go.

At this point in my life though, there are quite a few unknowns.

My two oldest children aren’t living with me.  What their future holds is a big unknown to me.  I thought I had guided them on a course to be successful in life, but they’ve both chosen to take other roads.  So, I’ve had to give them over to God and pray He will continue to guide them while I cannot.  This has not been easy for me to do since I was so involved with them for so long, and I struggle with it everyday.

The next few months are going to be challenging to say the least.  I’ll finally be working toward my dream of being an RN, but that is going to mean so many changes for my family.  The classes I’ll be taking will most likely be in the afternoon/evening, so I will be gone during dinner and most of the time I’m here will be spent studying instead of cleaning, laundry, doing housework and being on facebook.  I have so many unknowns that come with going back to school.  I have no idea how much my Pell grant is going to pay and how much the Hope grant will pick up, therefore I don’t know what is going to have to come out of pocket for us.  I don’t know how many classes I’m going to be able to handle at once and still be “Mom”.  I guess once it gets going, it will become my new normal, but for now it’s all still an unknown, which makes me nervous to say the least!

Another unknown right now is what kind of preschool to do for Devin and Makenzie next fall.  Since Devin just turned 4, he will be eligible to do the state funded pre-k here in Ga.  That means he can go to “big” school for pre-k, instead of the private church preschool.  As with anything else in life, there are pros and cons to both. The one big drawback for me at the moment is the fact that the “big” school pre-k goes five days a week from 8:30 am until 3:10 pm.  Up until now, his preschool has only been three days a week, 3 hours a day.  So you can see my dilemma in the time difference.  I feel like it’s going to be a much longer day for him.  I just don’t know what to do.  I feel like this will be his last year not “having” to go a full day and I don’t want to rob him of that.  But, when he’s at home, he’s either bored, watching Spongebob, or picking on his sister- so who knows… full time school might be a good thing for him.  As far as Makenzie goes, she’ll most likely go back to the preschool she is currently attending.

*Sigh*

All these unknowns are driving me insane.  I know if I put it all in God’s hands, it will be taken care of and all will fall into place.  There’s just that one little thing though…I like to be in control!  I guess if these last few months have taught me anything it’s that sometimes no matter what you do, things just don’t come out the way you planned.  And when that happens, it’s not your fault.  It’s just the way it’s supposed to go for some reason.  God may have plans we don’t know about yet- and may never know about.  So just do the best you can and hold on for the ride because sometimes it’s bumpy.  Sometimes you feel out of control… and maybe that’s a good thing.   God has a funny way of reminding us who’s really in control.  So, thank you God for the unknowns.  Keep them coming.  I’m ready…I think.   :)

Can I just take a moment to say how excited I am that the older kids are going back to school? I know, I kinda feel bad saying that, but they are so BORED! They need something to do other than sit on the internet all day and use up all my gas and money. I will miss them though. It has been nice not having to get up at the crack of dawn to make sure they didn’t miss the bus!

Megan will be a junior this year. Gosh, that is so hard to believe. It seems like I just had her yesterday and now here she is almost ready for college. She is very bright and gets great grades. I’m very proud of her. She will be driving to school this year and taking Dakota since she got her drivers license over the summer. It makes me nervous but I guess I have to cut some apron strings sometime. She is a good driver- it’s the other people on the road I worry about!

Dakota will be a sophmore- boy he is so lucky. He doesn’t try at all and he has skimmed by the last two years, barely passing or not passing and moving on anyway. Don’t ask me how that happens, I’m still scratching my head over that one. I hope this year he decides to take his work seriously and do his best. He is smart if he would only apply himself.

Madison will be in the seventh grade this year. She was the baby for almost ten years, so it’s hard to believe she is getting so big. She has never had less than an A in any class! I like to think she gets her smarts from ME ;) She is cheering for LMS this year- both football and basketball. What was I thinking? We are gonna have one busy fall!

Devin will be starting preschool in a few weeks. He is going two days a week from 9:30-12:30 AM. He will probably cry, as he hasn’t been away from me since I resigned from my job last Feb. so I’m sure it will be an adjustment. He needs to get out though, and have other kids his age to play with. He sometimes gets too rough with Makenzie, so it’ll be nice for him to have some boys to play with (hopefully!) I really hope there are some boys in his class. He hangs out with me and the girls so much that he has begun wanting to put on makeup and wear high heels! LOL

So that leaves me and Makenzie at home together for a few days alone. It should be fun getting to bond with my little girl. I know she will appreciate all the mommy time- she certainly LOVES her mommy :) She is getting so big now. She is almost crawling, has one tooth and is working on several more!

My children… I love them all. Some days I really can’t believe I have birthed five children, but it’s true! Each one holds a special place in my heart and yes, they all get on my nerves from time to time, but there is no greater thing on this earth than being a parent. It is the most rewarding job -EVER. I know I am blessed that God saw fit to give me these children. I just pray everyday that I am doing right by them. Why didn’t they come with instructions????