My Mother’s day surprise was having all of my kids together at my house. This is the first time since Christmas that we’ve all been in the same place at the same time. I couldn’t have asked for a better Mother’s Day gift!
Of course, the tons of roses, tulips and pretty flowers, jewelry and Lady Antebellum cd weren’t bad either… but having all my kids with me today just made it well…
special.
Thanks for the wonderful Mother’s day everyone :)
If you know me in real life, you know that I tend to be a bit of a control freak. I feel most at ease when I know what is going to happen and when I can steer things in the direction I feel they should go.
At this point in my life though, there are quite a few unknowns.
My two oldest children aren’t living with me. What their future holds is a big unknown to me. I thought I had guided them on a course to be successful in life, but they’ve both chosen to take other roads. So, I’ve had to give them over to God and pray He will continue to guide them while I cannot. This has not been easy for me to do since I was so involved with them for so long, and I struggle with it everyday.
The next few months are going to be challenging to say the least. I’ll finally be working toward my dream of being an RN, but that is going to mean so many changes for my family. The classes I’ll be taking will most likely be in the afternoon/evening, so I will be gone during dinner and most of the time I’m here will be spent studying instead of cleaning, laundry, doing housework and being on facebook. I have so many unknowns that come with going back to school. I have no idea how much my Pell grant is going to pay and how much the Hope grant will pick up, therefore I don’t know what is going to have to come out of pocket for us. I don’t know how many classes I’m going to be able to handle at once and still be “Mom”. I guess once it gets going, it will become my new normal, but for now it’s all still an unknown, which makes me nervous to say the least!
Another unknown right now is what kind of preschool to do for Devin and Makenzie next fall. Since Devin just turned 4, he will be eligible to do the state funded pre-k here in Ga. That means he can go to “big” school for pre-k, instead of the private church preschool. As with anything else in life, there are pros and cons to both. The one big drawback for me at the moment is the fact that the “big” school pre-k goes five days a week from 8:30 am until 3:10 pm. Up until now, his preschool has only been three days a week, 3 hours a day. So you can see my dilemma in the time difference. I feel like it’s going to be a much longer day for him. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like this will be his last year not “having” to go a full day and I don’t want to rob him of that. But, when he’s at home, he’s either bored, watching Spongebob, or picking on his sister- so who knows… full time school might be a good thing for him. As far as Makenzie goes, she’ll most likely go back to the preschool she is currently attending.
*Sigh*
All these unknowns are driving me insane. I know if I put it all in God’s hands, it will be taken care of and all will fall into place. There’s just that one little thing though…I like to be in control! I guess if these last few months have taught me anything it’s that sometimes no matter what you do, things just don’t come out the way you planned. And when that happens, it’s not your fault. It’s just the way it’s supposed to go for some reason. God may have plans we don’t know about yet- and may never know about. So just do the best you can and hold on for the ride because sometimes it’s bumpy. Sometimes you feel out of control… and maybe that’s a good thing. God has a funny way of reminding us who’s really in control. So, thank you God for the unknowns. Keep them coming. I’m ready…I think. :)
if when drama in your life occurred, all you had to do was take a pill to make it go away? Oh wait, there is…
Haha! Boy, if that were a true invention, I sure would like to be in on it because that baby would SELL, SELL, SELL! But until such time, I will work through any trials and celebrate any joys that come my way by blogging. This blog is therapy for me. I love to sit here after all the kids are in bed and just listen to my thoughts and the sound of my fingers on the keyboard. Weird huh? Hell, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. It’s become and obsession for me- but a good one. I can say that I have definitely taken a look back and some older posts (via my new sidebar widget) and enjoyed reading about what was going on last year and how much it’s changed (and stayed the same)- in just a years time. It’s kinda like a scrapbook without all the cutting, cropping and pasting.
This weekend has been difficult for me. I’ve been off my zoloft because I’m just too flipping lazy to go back to the DR and get more. I need it. But I hate the fact that I need it. I’m truly a bitch without it. Stupid things get on my nerves when I’m not on it. I find that I stress out WAY too much when I’m not on it. And yet, I am too lazy to go get it refilled. Getting it refilled at this point means having to call and make an appointment. Oh and don’t forget that I have to make sure the appointment is after 2pm so David to watch the little kids or I will end up schlepping them up the the office with me. Waiting an hour or more to be seen, then having to go over WHY I need the zoloft in the first place (postpartum depression, or at this point just plain old depression since I’m not really postpartum anymore). Ick. The thoughts of it all overwhelm me. And did I mention the fact that I hate that I need it in the first place?! These are the reasons why I have not gotten my meds that I need. Don’t worry though. I will do it. I just have to get up the nerve first…or get to the point where I simply cannot stand myself ~ blech!
In more enlightening news…
Makenzie has been potty training herself. I am truly amazed that she is doing so well. I was skeptical when she started wanting to sit on the potty like Devin and honestly just let her sit on the potty to hush her up let her mimic her big brother. I never thought she would actually go! I was out and about for most of the morning today and she stayed dry the whole time. She has begun telling me (which is about every 30 minutes) when she needs to go “pee” and today even told me she had to “poop” and went on the potty! I wasn’t even going to start potty training her until she turned two… guess she had other plans. I’m happy and sad all at once about it. I’m happy that she’s doing so well and I’m so proud of my “big” girl who jumps up when she’s gone and says “I did it!”, but at the same time I’m so sad that my last one in diapers is well… not in diapers anymore!
The older kids are doing well at school. Of course, it was only the third day today so I guess they *should* be doing well at this point. Megan says she has somewhat easy classes other than AP Language Arts- Dakota says he has the same art teacher that hated him as last year and she told him he seems to have matured over the summer (seriously?)- and Madison says there are absolutely NO hot guys at the middle school. Gotta love middle school, right? I’m enjoying the noise level around my house being somewhat reduced since they’ve gone back and cannot wait for Devin’s preschool to start in a few weeks. If I hear myself say “don’t” or “stop that” to him one more time, I’m going to pull out the rest of my hair that hasn’t broken off from the curling iron incident a few weeks ago. He loves his preschool so I don’t feel bad for saying that. He gets into so much trouble around here by picking on Makenzie because he is bored. I know he will be thrilled to go somewhere different three days a week, and to get to play with some children his own age. And Makenzie will be overjoyed I’m sure to be able to pick up a toy without having it swiftly jerked out of her hand! LOL
A little update on Me and Dave:
For what it’s worth… he is speaking to me again after the ant drama. At this point if I hear “I love you” one more time I may spew pure sugar from my mouth somewhat reminiscent of the Linda Blair Exorcist scene my heart may burst. And all bugs, spiders, ants, etc. within a 30 mile radius of our house have been annihilated. I’m not kidding either. If you walk down my driveway to get the mail, there are tons of dead bugs, spiders, etc. just laying there because he sprayed so much insecticide! Too freaking funny, huh? I guess in all my ranting and raving that night, he got the point. In all seriousness though- David and I may go through our ups and downs, but we are in it together. He has endured so much ranting and raving from me over the years and yet one thing always remains the same. He is always there. He may not like me sometimes, but he always loves me. And I feel the same about him. He may make me mad and I may gripe him out for being a “man” but at the end of the day I know I’m so lucky :)
As a Mom to five kids with so much distance between their ages, I never know what the day will bring. From boo boos and bandaids to birth control and sex talk… to say it’s never boring would be an understatement. Nothing really ever prepares you to be a Mom to this many kids at so many stages in their development. Since there are no instruction books that come with a baby down the birth canal most of us just wing it the best we can and I am certainly no different.
I would like to think that by the time the little kids are teenagers, I will have mastered the art of mothering. Lord knows I’m much better at handling the preschooler years thanks to doing it three times before. But this teenager thing is still new to me. Everyday I’m faced with something I’ve never been faced with before. Whether it’s finding a condom in my son’s room, trying to talk my daughter who is almost 18 out of getting a tattoo, wondering everytime they leave here if they are really going where they said they were going and praying they will make it home safely…
There are so many worries that come with having children. From the minute you find out you are pregnant, you begin to worry… Will the baby be okay? Will I miscarry? When the baby is born you worry if they are eating enough, growing as they should, not to mention SIDS. In the preschool years, you worry as you send them off to preschool – hoping they easily make friends. The elementary school years aren’t worry free either. Will my child make honor roll? Will he or she be bullied? Then comes the middle school years- when the reproductive hormones EXPLODE and your son’s voice starts squeaking like a mouse as it changes to a much deeper tone then you hear those dreaded words from your daughter… “Mom! I got my period!” The high school years are so far the worst though. They fly by so fast. Between first dates, homecoming, ballgames, getting the first job, passing the driving test and senior pics… it all zooms by you in the blink of an eye like a bolt of heat lightening in the evening summer sky.
Most people deal with only one stage of motherhood at a time. I, being the mutitasking, overachiever that I am, have almost gotten to the end of one mothering journey only to begin another. I used to brag that I’d be 40 when my youngest turned 18… that was until Devin and Makenzie came along. Now that’s been pushed back to 52 when my youngest is 18. I must be crazy. *ahem* Seriously.
Eh, I wouldn’t have made a good empty nester at 40 anyway. I would have had a midlife crisis after raising children for most of my life and wouldn’t have known what to do with myself (makes me think of that Martina McBride song “When God Fearin’ Women Get the Blues!). Being a Mom is what I know. It’s what I do and I enjoy it most of the time. Sure there are some days I’d rather run for the hills (or a padded room) than change another diaper, fill another juice cup, or hear another school administrator tell me that Dakota has ISS once again, but Mothering is the most rewarding job I’ll ever have. And you know what, I think I’m pretty damn good at it…even if most days I’m winging it with the teenagers. The little kids better watch out though… I’ll be Chuck freaking Norris by the time they get to be teens ;)
This picture was taken at Unicoi State Park while David and I were dating- over 10 years ago! This was one of the only two times I ever went tent camping with him. He jokes that once we got married I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not so I stopped roughing it to impress him- LOL. He’s so right. I’m not a camping kind of girl… especially tent camping. I need my hairdryer and curling iron and makeup too for goodness sake! Not to mention a bathroom and running water. Looking at that picture reminds me that my older kids were just little kids then. They were 7, 6, and 3 when David and I got married.
Seeing this picture is bittersweet for me. It brings back so many good memories, but it also shows me how much my kids have grown and how much David has aged…yikes!
| © 2010 Simply Blessed | Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha |
This site is protected by WP-CopyRightPro
Recent Comments