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Heading to the Mountains…

Michelle — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:24:44 +0000

The kids are all of fall break this week and we need a change of scenery… so I’ve decided we will make a quick trip “home” to the mountains where I grew up.

I must be suicidal.

I’m going alone with four of my five kids… overnight.

Stay tuned. I’m sure I’ll post all about it when we get home!

Home Is Where the MY Heart Is

Michelle — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 05:33:06 +0000

This past weekend my family and I spent a few days in the small mountain town where I grew up. As we left on Thursday around lunch time, most of us were pretty excited to go… partly for a change of scenery I guess, since we haven’t been on vacation in a while (except for mine and Madison’s trip to NYC in Feb.) thanks to having two babies in two years. I say most because the teenager girls were already griping that it was going to be boring. Not to mention that earlier in the week Dakota had thrown a tantrum actually several, but whose counting (he’s 16, not 2- but alas, he still has tantrums… lucky me) about having to go because his girlfriend and her family were going on a camping trip and he just had to go with them instead of us- even though July 4th is my birthday. I finally caved and gave in because the weekend trip was going to be a lot less chaotic without him and his tantrum throwing, whiny ass self there… so I laughingly told him that him going camping with his girlfriend could be his birthday present for me… a weekend without having to hear him whine, bitch and moan complain about everything! It did really hurt my feelings though, that he chose her over me… but I guess there will be more of that to come as he grows up and moves on. So, we dropped him off with his bio-Dad on our way through Gainesville and bio-Dad took him to his girlfriends house the next morning for the camping trip with her family.

It took us over three hours to get to the mountains, and I guess that was good time since we had several potty stops and a lunch break on the way. Megan drove her car behind us with Madison so that she would have her own vehicle and they could do their own thing some of the time since I knew doing little kid things would bore them to the point of death no return. The little kids didn’t sleep the whole way like I had previously hoped, but were pretty cute being in awe of the mountains as we got closer and closer. It was quite interesting for me to see my hometown through my Devin and Makenzie’s eyes. They were fascinated with how tall the mountains were. It really made me realize that I never appreciated their beauty when I lived there.

After we got everything unpacked, we ate and the girls went to visit their Nana’s grave. Their bio-Dad’s mom died of cancer almost ten years ago and she is buried in Hiawassee. I’m glad they took the time to go visit her graveside. While they were doing that, Dave and I took the little kids to the park to play and to the “beach”. I say beach with quotations because I’m pretty sure when you think of beach, you think of a beach with a beautiful ocean view, not surrounded by mountains! Devin and Makenzie had a great time playing in the water. They’ve never been to any beach, so the fact that it didn’t have an ocean view didn’t disturb them in the least. They loved it!

On Friday, David and I took the little kids up to Brasstown Bald mountain. The highest mountain in GA. It’s almost 5000 feet tall. The girls had gone to cookout with their bio-Dad’s father (their Papaw) and were not the least interested in hiking up a mountain…imagine that. And of course, I forgot to pack my tennis shoes, so I wore Makenzie in the sling and carried her 24 lb bootie and my 98 lb okay so I don’t weigh 98 lbs self up the paved trail on that mountain in flip flops- Yes, I am stupid Rock!

It really wasn’t that bad. We took several stops for photo ops, and for a chance to catch our breath! The kids loved it at the top, although Devin was freaking out at first because it was so high up. The view was gorgeous.

For a minute, I couldn’t understand how I had ever left this beautiful place… then I remembered they don’t have a mall, a starbucks or a walmart and was quickly brought back to reality

Hiawassee also has a veterans memorial for all the Towns county citizens who fought in a war. My fathers name was listed and I didn’t have a picture of it until now. He served in the Korean war as a Captain in the Marines. His name is listed at the bottom.

A good bit of our trip was spent visiting with my grandmother who just turned 91 on June 2nd and my mother whom my children call Meemaw (I won’t tell her age… she will kill me if I do). It was good to see them. I hadn’t seen my grandmother in years and my mother doesn’t get to visit us as much as she’d like but it’s just enough for me. David really enjoyed hearing my grandmother talk about yesteryear and I did too. She really is sharp for her age. I hope I’m only as sane as her when I’m 91- if I even make it to be that old. Women in our family usually live a long time. My grandmother’s mother lived to be 101. It looks like my grandmother may be well on her way to outliving her own mother… especially since she still drives a car! My mother had a great time playing with the little kids. She drives me crazy by undermining me at every turn though. If I said no candy, she’d kill herself to give Makenzie a whole chocolate bar. I love her, but I picked a bad time to stop taking my zoloft wish she’d abide by my wishes more often. I guess that’s what grandparents do… spoil your kids, undermine your rules and then send them home covered in chocolate for you to clean off.

So, after all the nervous emotions I felt about going home – wondering how I’d feel being back there as a grown up and wondering about how I’d react if I saw someone who used to gossip about me… I realized that it didn’t matter anyway because Hiawassee wasn’t home to me anymore. I only saw a few people I even knew, and they weren’t the ones I was worried about! Hiawassee is a beautiful place to visit, but my home is where my heart is. My home is where I’ve made a home for my family and where we share our memories. You see, I’ve grown up and moved on and made a pretty nice life for myself in the process. I’m proud of who I am and I’m proud of where I came from. I know growing up in that small town helped to form who I am now, but it will never define me.

Going Home

Michelle — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:57:39 +0000

This weekend the family and I will be going to the town where I spent most of my formative years. I must admit the closer it gets, the more I’m having mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m super excited to go and see how much it’s changed. I’ve been longing to take the kids there and let them experience some of the mountain life I grew up in.

But on the other hand, I haven’t been to Hiawassee since my brother Richard, David and I cleaned out my Dad’s house. That was 4 years ago- and we didn’t stop anywhere that day. We just cleaned out his things and left. I know I’m going to have to face the fact that I’m in Hiawassee and my Dad isn’t there. No house to go visit, no seeing him standing waving bye to the kids and doing his goofy gestures… nothing. I’m desperately dreading that part.

I am glad my kids will get to see their Great Grandmother who just turned 91. She has never even met Makenzie, so I’m quite excited for that. My mother still lives in Hiawassee too, and the little kids are thrilled they get to see Meemaw.

I guess I’m just overwhelmed with emotions as I think about going home. Growing up there, in a small town- wasn’t easy for me. I didn’t think I ever fit in. I never once dated any guy from my own school. Not that I didn’t date, mind you- I just wasn’t into anyone I went to school with and they weren’t into me. I always dated older boys, or boys who went to other schools. I didn’t make it easy on myself either. I wasn’t the straight and narrow kid I should have been. I got myself into quite a bit of trouble all the time from time to time and everyone in town knew it. I’m sure there were many a chat about my weekend activities over Monday morning biscuits and gravy ;)

The thoughts of going back there awakens all the insecurities I had way back when. I’m so sure of myself now and feel pretty confident in who I am and honestly could care less if anyone likes me or not- but for some reason I’m fearing that going back home will make me feel 16 again. Awkward. Self conscience. Not sure of myself. I’m afraid that when I’m in Hiawassee I will not feel like the grown up, proud mother of five that I am, but the teacher’s kid who got pregnant her senior year. Will people who weren’t nice to me in school, not be nice to me now if I see them on the street? Will people still whisper about me when I walk by them?

I can’t believe after all these years, I feel this way. How very weird. It’s like reliving your awkward childhood years all over again. And I wouldn’t go back and do it again for anything. Now don’t get me wrong, I like who I am and I’m proud of who I’ve become. Where I’ve been and my actions are what has made me… well, me! I wouldn’t trade a thing. I’ve learned from each and every mistake I’ve made along the way.

So, if I see anyone whispering behind my back while I am in Hiawassee, I’m going to tell them to shut the f*** up I’m just going to assume they are wondering if I am that beautiful red haired chick who has five kids and that awesome blog everyone loves to read ;)