Simply Blessed Sundays

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever

to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

-Elizabeth Stone

Boy what a week it’s been around our house. The range of emotions I’ve been going through this week have been severe. From anger, to frustration, to sadness, to depression… I’ve dealt with it all.

The drama that came from Megan’s choice to get a tattoo illegally has just about pushed me over the edge of insanity. It’s not the fact that she got the tattoo, it’s all the worry that comes from the fact that she received it from someone who didn’t work at a tattoo parlor that legally had to sanitize their equipment. Just the fact that the “artist” who tattooed her didn’t check her ID and make sure she was legally able to get a tattoo makes me wonder what else he let lapse.

I’m mostly hurt that Megan would go behind my back and do it.  Two weeks before she could have legally and safely done so. I’m also worried that if she makes such quick, impulsive decisions that aren’t well pondered and have no thought of the consequences that come from them… what other kind of trouble is she going to be getting into?   I’ve put a lot of time and effort into trying to be a great Mom to her and her siblings. It’s very scary for me to be at the end of the road as far as raising her, and have to rely on her to make good choices out of the values I hope I’ve instilled in her over the past 18 years.

I suppose part of me still thinks of her as my “baby”.  She was, after all, the very first one I had.  I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her.  I was her age as a matter of fact.  I remember hearing her cries for the first time and learning all the Mommy ropes with her.  It’s so very hard for me to believe it has been 18 years.

And now, here we are at a crossroad.  The point where she will be able to decide her fate and as much as I try to control it, I ultimately will have no control.  Did I mention that I tend to be a control freak?

I guess it’s kind of like teaching them to ride a bike.  You tell them how to do it, and walk beside them for a while but there comes a time when you have to let go and pray they remember what you taught them.  They may fall and skin their knees and elbows- but they will eventually learn to ride that bike without falling.

So this Sunday evening, I’m counting my blessings.  Even if they aren’t what I wish they were.  I wish she hadn’t gotten that tattoo the way she did… but I’m glad she is my daughter none the less. I wish that one week from today she wasn’t turning 18- I’m not ready for her to be a grown up and go to college.  But in the end, I feel so very blessed to have her in my life.  Bird tattoo, bad decisions, lopsided hairdo and all.  :)

© 2009, Michelle. All rights reserved.