So if you’ve read my blog long, you know that my second oldest child Dakota (aka pain in the ass challenging child) is sometimes difficult to deal with. He has anger issues and adhd and refuses to take his meds. Unfortunately this sometimes leads to him having outbursts of rage in our home.
Yesterday he had an outburst. Here’s what happened:
I have not been sleeping well and was trying to lay down for a short nap on the couch while David was giving the little kids a bath. Megan was at work and Madison was sitting on the love seat just across from me. Dakota was upstairs in the loft on the computer with his headphones in singing (screaming) as loud as he could. I yelled up at him to be quiet a few times and he (of course) couldn’t hear me. So I asked Madison if she could go and ask David to tell Dakota to quiet down. I intentionally did not want her to approach him as we all know how he can be. Unfortunately Madison decided not to bother David and came up behind Dakota to tell him to be quiet. He jumped up and punched her in the back of the head knocking her to the ground. I heard the commotion and ran up to see what had happened. I made sure Madison was okay and then I told Dakota I was going to call the police.
It didn’t take too long before not one, not two, but three policemen were in my house. They handcuffed Dakota and put him in the back of the squad car. They spoke with us and Madison to find out what had happened. I cannot explain how hard it was to be me yesterday. On one hand, I’m furious that my son lost control and hit my 13 year old daughter. On the other hand, here I am watching him be handcuffed, searched and then placed in the back of a police car while my heart breaks in pieces.
The police officers were very nice and told me that until Dakota is 17, I decided if he was taken to juvenile detention. After the age of 17, if he does what he did yesterday it will not be my call. The officers would make the call. It was a hard decision. I want him to learn that he simply cannot act this way, but I don’t want him to have to go to court and have a record. I finally decided that I just wanted them to basically scare the crap out of him and tell him if he ever did it again that I would have him charged.
So that’s what they did. The police officers pretty much yelled at him and told him the way it was going to be. They told him that until he is 18 years old, he is to do what I say. They also informed him that in the state of GA corporal punishment is not unlawful and that if I so feel the need, I can whip his ass *per their words* any old time I feel he needs it. And if I need help doing it, all I have to do is call them. Did it work? I don’t know. I guess time will tell. Please join me in praying that it did. I cringe at the thoughts of what the future holds for that boy if it didn’t.
I’m so mortified at what our friends and neighbors must think. We are not white trash. We are not bad parents. We are a normal, happy family that has a teen who unfortunately has rage issues that we deal with as best we can. Some days our best is just not good enough.
© 2009, Michelle. All rights reserved.
*hugs* to you. What an ordeal. I hope they ‘scared him straight’ too! I can imagine how torn in half you were over it.
And forget about the neighbors. You would be white trash if you never dealt with it! If you didn’t care and that is clearly not at all the case!
*hugs and prayers* to you!
Michell, I will be praying for your entire family!!! I really believe that things will get better, things ALWAYS get better. I feel for you, I really do. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, you are dealing with this, as best you can. Lord knows, I would have already either have killed him, or I would be put away somewhere. When I say put away, I mean in a mental institution!!! Give yourself credit, for doing the very best with a young man, who hopefully will grow out of some of this. I really do think, that once he gets older, he will settle down. My sister’s ex’s nephew, used to act just like Dakota, but you would never know it now. He is married and they are expecting their third child. The sister that he took everything out on, passed away a few years back. She was killed in a car accident with her little boy and her baby that she was still carrying. It was the saddest thing in this world. Since then, he has been a different person. Of course, I don’t want it to take something like this, for Dakota to change! Sometimes, we just never know!!! Feel free to tell Dakota this story, I wish it would help. I love you and I am praying for you. I don’t know how you do it!!!
((hugs)) to you. I hope this scared him straight. Sending gobs of prayers up your way…
Michelle.. you did the right thing.. i would have done the same.. i am praying for you… my mom says every mother has one thorn..( i think she stole that line from axel rose..LOL) You are an amazing mom.. keep up the good work he will thank you some day!!!!! Natalee
Oh, Michelle…definately praying. Sorry you had to do that, but HUGE kudos to you for having the, well, balls to do it! I give you credit, it’s gotta be hard! Hmmm…if it’s any consolation, I awarded you with the “One Lovely Blog” award–and you definately deserve it! :)
Parenting is HARD and it doesn’t come with an instruction manual. You do what you can do AND HOPE you did the right thing. I’m sorry you had to go through that – maybe it might have an impact.
[...] when it comes to writing about my family. They can’t believe that I talk about things like this and this on my blog and put it out there for all to see and judge me [...]
michelle, How similar are situations are!!! I too have a nearly 17 year old who is adhd and a nearly 13 year girl who quite often becomes his target for confrontations. (we also have 2 tr babies first a boy then a girl spooky huh?)
luckily Stefan has only caused minor bruising to his sister and he has NEVER touched the little ones, but his anger has sometimes damaged the house
Does he wind the little one’s up, especially at bed time? and does he do things like run away with the very game someone is playing with, or delete saved games on consoles? Stefan is an absolute nightmare sometimes!!!
Email me or send a message on f/b anytime yeah?? and hugs for all this, i’ve been so close to where you were yesterday {{hugs}}
Helene
He does get my little ones wound up- especially when it’s close to their bedtimes. It’s infuriating! Dakota has damaged our house as well, but he’s never touched anyone until the other day. Ugh. And people wonder why I color my hair… there are so many grays in there from him it’s not funny!
awww…michelle, i know that must’ve been hard to deal with. i could only imagine.
[...] Well, my sister posted some drama that she was having with a member of herfamily. Read about it here. [...]