Shhh… Did you hear that?

Listen. Do you hear it now? The sound of silence. That doesn’t happen often in this house. For once I’m sitting here alone. The little kids are in the bed, Megan is still at work, Dakota and Madison are at their Dads house and Dave is at work. Boy does it feel good.

Now don’t get me wrong. I live for the chaos that is my life. I live for my kids and my husband. But sometimes it’s nice to just have a few minutes for me. Lord knows I don’t get much time to myself these days and I’m not getting any younger. These past few days I’ve been in a panic of sorts. I’ll be turning 36 on July 4th. Yeah, yeah… I’m a firecracker baby. That explains a lot, doesn’t it?! I thought turning 30 was hard… 36 is turning out to be worse. It’s officially over halfway through my 30′s. Then what… 40?! Holy cow.

Who is this woman who is almost 40? I still feel like a teenager still in most ways. Granted my hips after birthing five children don’t resemble a teenagers hips, and I’d like to think I’m a bit more mature acting than I was in my teenage years, but I definitely don’t feel almost 40. It certainly makes me wonder if that 80 year old woman in the nursing home feels like her age either. Do you ever feel your age? I know the aches and pains of getting older, but mentally do you ever feel old?

I remember my Dad asking me when I turned 13, “well, do you feel any different now that you’re a teenager?” And honestly- I didn’t. It was just another number. So I guess 36 or 40 is just another number. And I’ll feel how old I allow myself to feel… right?

Oh my… if this sort of rambling is what happens when I have a few minutes to myself, maybe God knew what he was doing when he put so much on my plate-

Ah, nevermind. Rambling and silence now over. Devin is awake and screaming for Daddy. It reminds me of that song that went something like this “back to life, back to reality…”

© 2009, Michelle. All rights reserved.