It’s MY Time

I’ve spent the last 18 years being a Mom.  I’ve poured myself wholly and fully into that job.  Since I became a Mom at the age of 18, I gave up going to college and having a career to do so.  And I’ve loved it.  I wouldn’t change a thing about being at home with my kids.

Now that Makenzie is going to preschool though, I find myself bored at home, and thinking about the future.  I know at some point I will want to go back to work (even though I love staying at home for the time being!), but I’m not qualified to do anything other than a dead end job.

So, I’m pondering what to do.  I’ve always dreamed of being a labor and delivery nurse.  I have always found birth interesting and pride myself in knowing way more than the usual person should know about anything and everything OB related.  I’m debating going back to school (well, going to school- there is no back since I never went to begin with) and following my dreams.

It’s an exciting thought, but also a terrifying one.  I always sucked at math and am pretty sure I’d have to take remedial EVERYTHING since it’s been so many years since I took classes.  I’m not even sure I could study and do all the things it takes to go to college AND be a Mom to my kids.  I’m sure it wouldn’t be easy by any means.

If I do it, by the time Madison graduates high school, I could be graduating from college.  Now there is a crazy thought. And not to mention that Megan will also be starting college this fall, so I suppose we could graduate together in four years?!

Even crazier, huh?

This is something I’ve always desired to do, and I KNOW I’d be good at it…

So why the hell am I so afraid to just leap and do it?!   Now is the time for ME.  It’s my turn to do something to further myself.  I just have to get up the gumption to do it~

And I don’t know if I have it in me.

I keep thinking of all the what if’s…

What if I fail?

What if I can’t study?

What if I don’t get accepted in a nursing program?

What if I can’t come up with the tuition money?

What if I don’t get a grant?

What if, what if, what if!

All I know is, if I don’t try, then I’ll never know IF I could have.  And I don’t want to be on my death bed with a life full of regrets and “what if I had’s”…

So first thing Monday morning (okay Tuesday morning since that’s when Makenzie goes to preschool), I’m going to call a college advisor at the local college and schedule an appointment to meet and see where to go from here.

YIKES!

A Security Blanket of a Different Sort…

Devin is truly enamored with his little sister, Makenzie.  She has become his security blanket.

He refuses to go anywhere without her.  Like today, she was under the weather so I kept her home from school.  He pitched a fit last night not wanting to go to school because she couldn’t go.

He said “but who will hold my hand when I walk in?”

I always knew I wanted Devin to have a sibling close in his age since his other brother and sisters are so much older than him…

I just never imagined he’d love her and need her so very much!

A Very Sick Little Girl :(

Just when I think my life can’t get stressful enough- I feel Makenzie’s head and she feels warm.  I *thought* earlier that she felt warm, but Dave said he didn’t think so.  Well, Mama intuition should have told me to check it, but I suppose wishful thinking took over.

Until tonight.

She was whiny, crying, nose running… and hot.  She has a fever of 102 :(

Dr. Mom says it’s just viral and will have to run it’s course~

But for now I’m taking care of a very sick little baby girl :(  I gave her some motrin for her fever, some benadryl for her nose and put the vaporizer in her room with some vicks aromatherapy in it.

I hate it when my kids are sick.  I’d much rather it be me!

The 23rd Psalm

Okay, okay… I know.  That was BAD.

BUT… you have to admit, it was funny!

The real verse though;

Psalm 23:4

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.  These past few weeks have been a very tumultuous time for my family.   Through prayer,  I thought that I had finally come to peace with the situation and now out of the blue another bit of drama has been thrown at me.

It’s most likely a blessing in disguise, since it’s something I’ve needed to do for a while- but just didn’t want to put the effort toward.  Kinda like that gynecologist appointment I keep “forgetting” to make.  You avoid it until you pretty much have no choice.

And that’s where I’m at.  I have no choice but to fight through this new bit of drama.

And fight I’m going to do.

With no fear.

Because I know God is on my side and I will come through this just like all the other drama God has carried me through.

All these battles just make me a stronger person and God will never give me more than I can handle.

How’s that for some positive thinking?!

For My Girls